Newsbreaks for Tuesday

One month of Newsbreaks! Let's all celebrate by saying "fiber-octic cable."



Audio version is here.

Text:
Geneticists have identified a whole new type of twin, which they are calling “semi-identical.” I don’t know what this does for science, but it definitely opens up a whole new area of porn.

All over the world, men are feverishly concocting letters to Penthouse Forum. “Dear Forum, I always felt a pleasant tension with my smokin’-hot cousin, but we never did anything about it. Then one day, she introduced me to Chloe. “Chloe was raised in a convent in Austria,” my cousin said, “and she’s my semi-identical twin.”

In an effort to make city roads less lethal, officials in New Delhi, India have banned smoking while driving. Announcing the ban, New Delhi’s traffic commissioner declared, “The human mind cannot do two things simultaneously.” See, the problem with that is, it sounds like a dare.

Fifty years after being divided by the Korean War, hundreds of families from North and South Korea were reunited yesterday—via fiber-optic cable. For the first time in decades, Koreans saw and spoke to their loved ones, via video. It’s a heartwarming story—or it would be, if there hadn’t been so many damn commercials.