Newsbreaks for Monday

Low-energy for some reason today. There's an extra joke at the end of the movie--couldn't resist...



Audio version is here.

Text:

Supermodel Naomi Campbell reported to a New York City sanitation garage this morning, where she’ll be pushing a mop as punishment for assaulting her maid. Campbell’s expected to be there for five days—with time off for letting guys touch her booty.

The world’s largest passenger jet, the Airbus A380, made its maiden voyage to America today. The massive airliner can hold up to 550 passengers, carry 81,000 gallons of fuel and fly over 8,000 nautical miles. That’s all great, but I want to hear about the anti-snake devices.

I wonder how they figured out the plane’s range? “Okay, we’re running out of gas…now.”

The pilot of the plane told reporters in New York that the A380 is very nimble. “You’d expect this would be like driving a bus,” he said, “but it’s like driving a Ferrari.” Yeah, you should see that sucker peel out from a stoplight.

And finally, Chiquita Brands International admitted in Federal court today that it paid Colombian terrorists to protect some of its banana-growing operations. I guess somebody else will be joining Naomi…