Newsbreaks for Friday

Audio version is here.

Text:
Nineteen months after Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans is still reeling. The government’s ineffectual, a lot of the poor and minorities have left, and more and more frightened citizens are carrying concealed weapons for protection. Wait a minute, this isn’t New Orleans, it’s Republican heaven.

But let’s be honest; nobody’s happy about what’s happening down there. Except for Kurt Russell’s agent…“Hello, I’m Mayor Snake Plissken.”

The aircraft carrier USS John Kennedy was decommissioned today, after thirty years of service. “Big John” was christened by then seven year old Caroline Kennedy, and its in-port cabin was designed by Jackie. Yes, it was a special ship—maybe that’s why sailors on it always felt funny saying “going to the head.”

A complex change in Medicaid is causing college students to have to pay a lot more for birth control pills. Authorities are afraid women will be forced to choose cheaper, riskier forms of contraception like condoms, diaphragms, and these guys.