Newsbreaks for Friday

I gotta get a better microphone. Or a better mouth!



Audio version is here.

Text:
The Israeli Air Force has unveiled their most advanced surveillance drone, called the Heron. “This is a great day for all those who wish to protect the Jewish people,” said an Israeli general. “But it’s an even greater day for Israel’s voyeurs.”

Guitarist Eddie Van Halen has announced that he is entering rehab. The last 15 years have been pretty hard on Eddie. He’s gone from this to this—but the portrait over his fireplace keeps looking better and better.

Newsbreaks…Your source for Oscar Wilde humor. What a waste of a good education. Next up, David Lee Roth jokes in Latin.

The American Medical Association has taken out ads in college newspapers asking the NCAA to ban alcohol marketing from college sports. Last year, the NCAA received $52 million from liquor companies. What do you say, Magic 8-Ball? Think the NCAA’ll give up all that money?…Oh, you’re such a kidder.

And finally, biologists in Colorado are trying to figure out what has killed over 850 ducks there this winter. While they’ve ruled out bird flu, bacterial infections, and pollution, they would like to speak to this man. [photo of Elmer Fudd]