Newsbreaks for Monday

Audio version is here.

Text:
Beachgoers in Southern California have been discovering the corpses of dolphins and other sea mammals. Experts believe that the culprit is a certain type of toxic acid. “They freak out and forget how to swim,” said one. “We’ve GOT to find their dealer.”

A Japanese company is selling a new patch that tells you if you pet is feeling stressed. The patch is attached to pet’s paw-pad, where it measures sweat secretion. Unfortunately, you know what stresses out a pet? Having something weird stuck to the bottom of its foot.

And finally, Presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani released a list of his New Hampshire supporters last week, only to find that many of the people listed don’t actually support him. “I really apologize,” said the candidate. “We never should’ve hired Diebold.”