Newsbreaks for Wednesday

Audio version is here.

Variety reports that Hugh Hefner is set to be the subject of a new biopic. The movie will be called, “A Beautiful ‘Gine.”

It’ll be directed by the guy responsible for X-Men: The Last Stand. Get ready for some really unique CGI.

Hefner is a sort of sexual superhero. “Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird!…Wh-what’s it doing to that other bird?”

In the 60s, Hefner was an active supporter of civil rights; in the 70s he championed freedom of speech. In the 80s and beyond he’s been a tireless advocate for girls who look like strippers.

After all these years, and all those women, you have to wonder: What’s Hef looking for? A surprise in the box?

Still, he’s a genius. Every teenage boy masturbates, but Hugh Hefner was the only one who thought, “Hey, there might be some money in this!”