Newsbreaks for Friday

Audio version is here.

Yesterday, a 15-year-old in India successfully performed a C-section birth. The boy was trying to become the youngest surgeon ever—at least that’s what he told his parents.

“But doctor, I thought we were doing a C-section?” “Be quiet and let me shave you.”

The kid got more than he bargained for. “I thought it was going to be hot,” he said. “But it wasn’t. I think I might’ve turned myself gay.”

Police in Columbia, S.C. are trying to piece together how a naked couple fell from a downtown office building. From the clothes scattered around the roof, they suspect the dead pair may have been having sex. Gives a whole new meaning to the term “foul play.”

I like to call stories like these “evolution in action.” Then again, maybe it’s the work of a really awesome serial killer. I think I just found Michael Bay’s next movie.