Newsbreaks 8.3.07 (The Duggars)

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A couple in Arkansas have just had their 17th child. Someone get these people TiVo.

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggars have racked up ten boys and now seven girls. They’re white, of course, so this is just a fun news story, instead of say, a campaign issue.

Thirty minutes after giving birth, Michelle, aka the walking population bomb, was already talking about having another. “It went fast,” she said. Yeah, well, practice makes perfect.

All seventeen children have names that begin with “J”—that’s the kind of people we’re dealing with. They’re also—surprise!—home-schooled. I bet they’re all getting a splendid education. The Duggars have the same student-teacher ratio as the University of Arkansas. I’m not kidding. I looked it up.

At this point, Michelle’s been pregnant for over 25% of her life. And no, she’s never read any Margaret Atwood. They’ve also gone through 90,000 diapers. This landfill has been brought to you by the Duggars.

Don’t get me wrong, I love kids. But this isn’t raising a family. This is creating your own private army.

The couple, who has no other claim to fame—how could they, there’s no time—has been featured on the Discovery Channel. Unfortunately, not during “Shark Week.”

Anyway, I don’t think it’s a good idea to publicize them. If I were the Chinese, I’d be pissed.