Newsbreaks 8.16.07 (Life as simulation)

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An Oxford professor named Nick Bostrom believes that it’s “almost certain” that what we experience as reality is merely a computer simulation, controlled by an advanced intelligence. It is also “almost certain” that this dude was at ComiCon last month.

The ramifications of Bostrom’s theory are quite profound: all of human existence may simply be a weird species of porn. Fine—at least somebody’s enjoying it. But what it all boils down to on a strictly human level is this: yes, it’s okay to punch Ann Coulter. In fact, God would probably be psyched if you did. “Look at that dude! He’s totally freaking out.”

If life is like The Sims, or better yet, D&D, things suddenly make a lot more sense. Because as anybody who played D&D can tell you, there are only two appropriate responses to any situation:
1) I kill it.
2) I try to have sex with it.

When I heard Bostrom’s theory, I wasn’t squiked out or anything. I was relieved. It explains a lot. Why, for example, Steve Jobs thinks he’s God.

But Professor Bostrom hasn’t answered the biggest question of all: who owns the movie rights?