Newsbreaks 7.27.07 (Drunk astronauts)

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NASA is reeling after a report yesterday that some of its astronauts have flown drunk. Well, maybe “reeling” isn’t the right word. How about “ashamed and remorseful”?

NASA has a rule stipulating that there be at least 12-hours from “bottle to throttle.” The fact they already have a cute nickname for it doesn’t reassure me. The popular image of astronauts is of clean-living straight-arrows in love with danger and discovery. Now we find out they’re the guys from “Jackass.” “Steve-O was in geosyncronous orbit, holding the funnel. It was AWESOME.”

For years, people have been saying that human astronauts are obsolete, and that robotic missions make more sense. “I’m sorry, Dave, but I think you’re totally wasted.”

People are concerned that NASA’s image problems may make it hard for them to get funding. I think just the opposite is true. Congress loves people who are more incompetent than they are. That’s why they won’t impeach Cheney or Bush. A bunch of drunks in orbit is like a giant space shield covering Congress’s ass. “You think we’re bad? Just look at this video from the International Space Station.”

Still, you have to wonder what this does to NASA’s plans to go to Mars. Maybe nothing. Because science isn’t the point. You want data, you send up a satellite. But only humans can create really great reality TV…“Ares-1, this is Mission Control. You are veering off-course.” “I ain’t off course. I’m going to that bitch’s house.”