Barry Trotter (Book 1)
The Hogwash School for Wizards was the most famous school in the wizarding world, and Barry Trotter was its most famous student. His mere presence made sure that every year twenty candidates applied for every open spot, no matter how rapacious Hogwash's tuition became. As a result, Barry and the school had come to an unspoken agreement: regardless of his grades, Barry could remain at Hogwash for as long as he wished. He had just begun his eleventh year...Freshman
Sleepy with boredom and gassy from lunch, Hart Fox sat in the hard plastic chair outside his dean's office. A kid walked in the door, pink detention slip in hand, bobbing his head a little so that the purple spikes of his mohawk didn't get bent on the transom. He slumped down next to Hart. Hart nodded--he remembered tis joker from sophomore American History, constantly arguing in favor of anarcho-syndicalism. Was his name Henry?...Sophomore
Arcing lazily through the air, the Frisbee smacked against the window. “Ooo-oo!” a chiseled and shirtless boy teased as it wobbleplummeted to the ground. “Sarah's in troub-le!”The beauty-boy was righter than he knew: Of all the windows on campus to hit, this one was the worst. It belonged to Stutts’ Professor of Clandestine Affairs, Glenbard North, who had destroyed more students than there were blades of grass on the freshly resodded Old Quad below...Coming Soon!
All you really gotta know is, I'm writing new things constantly and the more I write, the better my books get. So if you've read my earlier work--and millions of you have--we should keep in touch. This fall, at least one and maybe two new books will be available: a Dickens parody AND a comic mystery loosely based on The Beatles. Drop me an email at mikesnewbooks[at]gmail[dot]com, and I'll be sure to let you know release dates, special deals, etc.Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Newsbreaks for Tuesday
Audio version is here.
Frustrated by last week’s Presidential veto, the Democrats are proposing another plan to end the quagmire in Iraq. But the White House isn’t interested. “This plan is just bad management,” spokesman Tony Snow said. “And we sure as hell know THAT when we see it.”r
An Israeli archaeologist claims he has found the tomb of King Herod, the legendary builder of ancient Jerusalem. The tomb is in the ancient city of Herodium—which seems like a pretty big hint, don’t you think?
Here in Los Angeles, it was announced that a man has received a used heart—one that had been transplanted before. But what’s really surprising is, he found the heart on Craigslist.
And finally, today in Taiwan, the two major political parties had an honest-to-God brawl over the details of a bill…I don’t know Taiwanese politics any better than you do, but if you look closely at this photo, you can clearly see who started it.
Monday, May 7, 2007
Newsbreaks for Monday
Audio version is here.
Over the weekend, the New York Yankees signed star pitcher Roger Clemens. Mr. Clemens, whose late-career resurgence has caused whispers around the league, denied the $28 million contract includes a prescription drug benefit.
A new study by the Pew Research Center comes to some interesting conclusions about Americans’ use of cell phones and the internet. Basically, Americans are divided into three groups: 31 percent are elite technology users, 20 percent are moderate users and the remainder is…mom.
And finally, this morning two school busses in New Jersey collided. Details are still emerging, but we know one thing for sure: right after it happened, some kid yelled, “Ooo!”
No children were killed, thank goodness, but it’s clear the accident will have long-term effects. “Events like these traumatize kids deeply,” said a local child therapist. “We’re in the money…we’re in the money…”
Friday, May 4, 2007
Newsbreaks for Friday
Audio version is here.
Wall Street is predicting a merger between software giant Microsoft and the search engine Yahoo! “It makes perfect sense,” said one analyst. “Apple’s dorky brother marries Google’s dorky sister.”
Queen Elizabeth the second toured Jamestown today. If you don’t remember your American history, Jamestown is the compound founded by messianic cult leader Rick James.
And finally, delegates from 120 countries have approved an affordable arsenal of measures designed to slash greenhouse gas emissions. But a U.S. official, raised concerns about the economic costs of the plan.
That’s Bush’s America in a nutshell: Preventing global warming isn’t affordable. Building a 50-foot wall all along our coastline, is.
Because, of course, they’d hire Halliburton to do it.
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