Newsbreaks for Thursday

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Fox News has hired Joel Surnow, the creator of terror-porn smash '24' to create a right-wing version of The Daily Show. Says Surnow, "You can turn on any comedy satire show on TV and you're going to hear 10 Bush jokes, 10 Cheney jokes, but you'll never hear a Hillary Clinton." Yep, if there's anybody who's gotten a pass from comedians, it's Hillary Clinton.
Surnow also bemoans the absence of comedy challenging global warming. He said, "I don't get it. Exxon/Mobil's prepared to pay a million per sketch."
The show working title was, "We Promise Not to Challenge Any of Your Preconceived Notions." But once FOX slotted it for Sunday nights at 10pm, they changed it to, "You are Getting Sleepy, Very Sleepy."


Japan's National Police Agency reported that students punished for bullying offenses jumped 41% from 2005. They believe the rise is due to Japanese schools' intense competition, an emphasis on conformity, and the death of Mr. Miyagi.

The State of New Mexico recently spent $10,000 on talking urinal cakes designed to reduce drunk driving. The cakes, speaking in a female voice, ask the urinal user if he's had a few too many. "I didn't think so, but then the urinal started talking."
One drunk said, "Well, Mom, if you'd give me a little freakin' space, maybe I wouldn't have to drink."

America's biggest candy-maker, Hershey Foods, announced that it was cutting 1,500 jobs and building a large new plant in Mexico. Unions officials responded angrily to the news. "Hershey's Kiss my ass," one said. "With almonds!"

Al Gore was in Los Angeles Thursday, announcing a series of rock concerts designed to raise awareness about climate change. The concerts will include the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Bon Jovi, Snoop Dogg, and 12,000 people backstage, pedaling like crazy to power the amplifiers.