Newsbreaks for Monday

Podcast now available!

The web site of a museum dedicated to the JFK assassination has unveiled new footage showing President Kennedy's motorcade. The silent, 8 mm color film offers "the clearest, best film of Jackie in the motorcade," said Gary Mack, curator of the Sixth Floor Museum. "You can clearly see that she has a gun."

The funny thing is, after all we've learned about JFK and women, would anybody really blame her? "No jury would ever convict me!"

Accusations that the new film is CIA disinformation in three...two...one...

Monday, a few days before George Washington's 275th birthday, President Bush compared the Revolutionary War to his own War on Terror. ""On the field of battle, Washington's forces were facing a mighty empire, and the odds against them were overwhelming," Bush said. "His ragged army lost more battles than it won, suffered waves of desertions, and stood on the brink of disaster many times. Yet George Washington's calm hand and determination kept the cause of independence alive...Okay, you know what?" President Bush said. "I just realized we're screwed."

Monday, Wal-Mart announced plans to put nine new stores in areas across the US which are in need of economic revitalization. With luck, Wal-Mart hopes to create the same thriving economy, community spirit, and sense of hope for the future it has spread throughout so many of America's small towns.

Said Wal-Mart Vice Chairman John Menzer, "Areas like this don't need another jobs program. They don't need the government coming in and telling everybody what to do. No. What America's struggling communitiies need are 50 pound jars of dill pickles. And a 78-year-old woman carrying it out to your car."

On Saturday, over 8,900 people in Bismarck, N.D, gathered on the grounds of the State Capitol, to set a new world's record for most snow angels. The town's mayor was ebullient. "Yes, there's an awful lot to do in Bismarck, N.D."

And that's the capitol.

Trying to woo conservative voters, Presidential candidate John McCain told an audience Sunday that Roe versus Wade should be repealed. "Frankly," McCain said, "we can't spare the troops."

But widespread doubts remain about Senator McCain's electability. After all, he actually went to Vietnam.