Forty years after he was busted for obscenity, New York has pardoned Lenny Bruce. Justice delayed, I'm afraid, is no justice at all. But how nice for us, to feel we're more virtuous now.
Today, he'd probably just get sued. Repression is always mutating.
Barry Trotter (Book 1)
The Hogwash School for Wizards was the most famous school in the wizarding world, and Barry Trotter was its most famous student. His mere presence made sure that every year twenty candidates applied for every open spot, no matter how rapacious Hogwash's tuition became. As a result, Barry and the school had come to an unspoken agreement: regardless of his grades, Barry could remain at Hogwash for as long as he wished. He had just begun his eleventh year...Freshman
Sleepy with boredom and gassy from lunch, Hart Fox sat in the hard plastic chair outside his dean's office. A kid walked in the door, pink detention slip in hand, bobbing his head a little so that the purple spikes of his mohawk didn't get bent on the transom. He slumped down next to Hart. Hart nodded--he remembered tis joker from sophomore American History, constantly arguing in favor of anarcho-syndicalism. Was his name Henry?...Sophomore
Arcing lazily through the air, the Frisbee smacked against the window. “Ooo-oo!” a chiseled and shirtless boy teased as it wobbleplummeted to the ground. “Sarah's in troub-le!”The beauty-boy was righter than he knew: Of all the windows on campus to hit, this one was the worst. It belonged to Stutts’ Professor of Clandestine Affairs, Glenbard North, who had destroyed more students than there were blades of grass on the freshly resodded Old Quad below...Coming Soon!
All you really gotta know is, I'm writing new things constantly and the more I write, the better my books get. So if you've read my earlier work--and millions of you have--we should keep in touch. This fall, at least one and maybe two new books will be available: a Dickens parody AND a comic mystery loosely based on The Beatles. Drop me an email at mikesnewbooks[at]gmail[dot]com, and I'll be sure to let you know release dates, special deals, etc.Wednesday, December 24, 2003
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
Hooray, I think
Friend Ed Page pointed me to this profile of publishing's latest phenom, the 20-year-old author of a book called "Eregon." Home schooled, he lives at home in Montana with his slightly strange family. His success is wonderful, but there's really a bizarre undercurrent in the story, a sort of free-floating "Flowers in the Attic" type weirdness that I can't really put my finger on...Ah, well, I'm prepared to chalk it up to the cynicism that comes with living near people you're not related to you.
By the way, I just got a copy of The Beatles' White Album in mono. Really quite different--I like it a lot (even though the last three songs are seriously effed up, something was wrong with the source tape, maybe. Anyway, any serious Beatle fan oughta track a copy down.
By the way, I just got a copy of The Beatles' White Album in mono. Really quite different--I like it a lot (even though the last three songs are seriously effed up, something was wrong with the source tape, maybe. Anyway, any serious Beatle fan oughta track a copy down.
Monday, December 22, 2003
After seeing "Return of the King"...
In addition to general approval, numb buttocks and a sense of visual surfeit, I wondered how much Tolkein's experiences in World War I seeped into the stories. The relationship of Sam and Frodo struck me as very similar to a batsman and his officer; and the terrain of Mordor looked blackened and churned-up to me, just like No-Man's-Land. Turns out I wasn't the only person to think this. Here's a very interesting essay from TheOneRing.net.
Gee, if I'd read this article, I wouldn't have spent my Twenties starving in New York! It talks about how many people in their Twenties and Thirties are choosing to live at home while their lives are in professional/romantic development. It's fun to read, especially if you're NOT living with your parents anymore, but it gives fairly short coverage to the real reason that this "new life stage" exists: Starting jobs don't pay much, or they're internships and don't pay at all; yet inflation marches on; and the jobs that do pay often require post-college education costing thousands of dollars. This was not the case in 1960 or even 1970. And, I would wager, the financial gap between top management and everybody else wasn't so huge, either. The ladder is longer, and the space between the rungs larger, that's a fact. Damn Baby Boomers.
Gee, if I'd read this article, I wouldn't have spent my Twenties starving in New York! It talks about how many people in their Twenties and Thirties are choosing to live at home while their lives are in professional/romantic development. It's fun to read, especially if you're NOT living with your parents anymore, but it gives fairly short coverage to the real reason that this "new life stage" exists: Starting jobs don't pay much, or they're internships and don't pay at all; yet inflation marches on; and the jobs that do pay often require post-college education costing thousands of dollars. This was not the case in 1960 or even 1970. And, I would wager, the financial gap between top management and everybody else wasn't so huge, either. The ladder is longer, and the space between the rungs larger, that's a fact. Damn Baby Boomers.
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
News of the day...
Apparently cartoonist Aaron MacGruder struck a nerve at the recent birthday celebration for The Nation. The Boondocks creator said that the American left-wing should "be mean" if necessary, doing whatever it takes to win power. He even--horrors!--castigated Gore for losing in 2000. "Noble failure is not good enough," he said.
He's right. Let's get rid of the fucking politeness police that switch sides whenever some liberal actually shows a little anger. "As much as I disagree with [insert poisonous right-wing windbag here], but there's no reason that Michael Moore has to be so angry. Is that really the way to change people's minds about [incredibly offensive and obvious social/economic ill]? We're all reasonable people, and you can get your point across just as well--maybe better--without being uncouth about it."
THAT's the attitude, the mournful, Nerf-soft opposition, that's given us Nixon and Ford, Carter despised for weakness, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, and now Bush. The chunk of people out there to be swayed by political argument respect passion. Aren't we all? They think, "Boy, that person really feels strongly about it, there's probably something to it. People don't get mad for no reason." Meanwhile, everybody left of FOX News thinks life is a college seminar, and you get points for courtesy, graceful argument, and respect. It's pitiful.
What MacGruder doesn't understand is that there's a whole generation in place--maybe more than a generation--who've become so used to being "the loyal opposition" that the prospect of actually running things terrifies them. A Republican in Democrat's clothing is plenty good enough for them--and a real Nixonian villain the best of all. Who do you think would do a better job of running things, the staff of The Nation, or the Weekly Standard? Conversely, who would you rather take a college seminar with?
The ascension of the American left isn't good for The Nation; a truly left-wing President would probably drive them out of business. The American left has had to nourish itself for so long on impotent outrage that it has come to prefer that to the real meat of power. How dare MacGruder actually call for change? How dare he prefer concrete improvement over the usual agreeable, well-shaped, nice rhetoric? Doesn't he realize that the indignation of the outsider is what The Boondocks sells? How dare he consider the improvement of society more important than the continuation of his own cozy place in the menagerie of useless political knickknacks? He's right, and he's got balls, too. Let's celebrate him.
In other news, there's gonna be a Spy book. I, of course, will be waiting at the bookstore when the trucks arrive. I think it will be fascinating, though I can't imagine it will earn back a $1 million advance. (Spy's circ at its peak was somewhere around 250,000.) I also want to see how Messrs. Carter, Andersen, et al. finesse the issue of making their bones tearing the NY publishing establishment a new a-hole, then working in it quite happily ever since. I understand one can't expect satirists to renounce the world, but what they've done since 1991 robs Spy of whatever rebellious frisson its great pissy prose might've once generated.
He's right. Let's get rid of the fucking politeness police that switch sides whenever some liberal actually shows a little anger. "As much as I disagree with [insert poisonous right-wing windbag here], but there's no reason that Michael Moore has to be so angry. Is that really the way to change people's minds about [incredibly offensive and obvious social/economic ill]? We're all reasonable people, and you can get your point across just as well--maybe better--without being uncouth about it."
THAT's the attitude, the mournful, Nerf-soft opposition, that's given us Nixon and Ford, Carter despised for weakness, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, and now Bush. The chunk of people out there to be swayed by political argument respect passion. Aren't we all? They think, "Boy, that person really feels strongly about it, there's probably something to it. People don't get mad for no reason." Meanwhile, everybody left of FOX News thinks life is a college seminar, and you get points for courtesy, graceful argument, and respect. It's pitiful.
What MacGruder doesn't understand is that there's a whole generation in place--maybe more than a generation--who've become so used to being "the loyal opposition" that the prospect of actually running things terrifies them. A Republican in Democrat's clothing is plenty good enough for them--and a real Nixonian villain the best of all. Who do you think would do a better job of running things, the staff of The Nation, or the Weekly Standard? Conversely, who would you rather take a college seminar with?
The ascension of the American left isn't good for The Nation; a truly left-wing President would probably drive them out of business. The American left has had to nourish itself for so long on impotent outrage that it has come to prefer that to the real meat of power. How dare MacGruder actually call for change? How dare he prefer concrete improvement over the usual agreeable, well-shaped, nice rhetoric? Doesn't he realize that the indignation of the outsider is what The Boondocks sells? How dare he consider the improvement of society more important than the continuation of his own cozy place in the menagerie of useless political knickknacks? He's right, and he's got balls, too. Let's celebrate him.
In other news, there's gonna be a Spy book. I, of course, will be waiting at the bookstore when the trucks arrive. I think it will be fascinating, though I can't imagine it will earn back a $1 million advance. (Spy's circ at its peak was somewhere around 250,000.) I also want to see how Messrs. Carter, Andersen, et al. finesse the issue of making their bones tearing the NY publishing establishment a new a-hole, then working in it quite happily ever since. I understand one can't expect satirists to renounce the world, but what they've done since 1991 robs Spy of whatever rebellious frisson its great pissy prose might've once generated.
Friday, December 12, 2003
Barry's German publisher...
...has put the book smack-dab on its splash-page. Check it out here. I was told that Barry was "our most stolen book" at this past Frankfurt Book Fair...Rampant larceny--what a compliment!
They also publish Noam Chomsky, can you believe it?
They also publish Noam Chomsky, can you believe it?
Thursday, December 11, 2003
This new Robert Benchley Society is...
...the most pleasant news I've gotten via unsolicited email--well, probably ever. A very cordial Bostonian named David Trumbull has gotten it into his head to collect the fans of Benchley, the writing of Benchley, and let them mix it up themselves. It will be interesting to see which side survives.
Membership is free, and truly a sign of good taste undaunted by throbbing modernity. Check the website out here. Meanwhile, here's their Christmas Reading List:
(1) "A Christmas Garland of Books" by Robert Benchley
What better gift for that hard-to-buy-for person than a book? "...A man's whole life could be changed by such a fortuitous slip of the rubber..."
(2) "Why I Love Christmas" by John Waters
Blue collar Baltimore meets rainbow colored Provincetown when John Waters
takes on American commercialized Christmas traditions. "...Why hasn't Bloomingdale's or Tiffany's tried a fancy Santa. Deathly pale, this never-too-thin-or-too-rich Kris Kringle, dressed in head-to-toe unstructured, over-size Armani, could pose on a throne, bored and elegant, and every so often deign to let a rich little brat sit near his lap before dismissing his wishes with a condescending "Oh, darling, you don't really want that, do you?..."
(3) "A Bum's Christmas" by H. L. Mencken
A jaundiced look at Christmas charity from another Baltimore writer. "Despite all the snorting against them in works of divinity, it has always been my experience that infidels--or freethinkers, as they usually prefer to call themselves--are a generally estimable class of men, with strong overtones of the benevolent and even of the sentimental. This was certainly true, for example, of Leopold Bortsch, Totsaufer [customers' man] for the Scharnhorst Brewery, in Baltimore, forty-five years ago..."
(4) "Duel in the Snow, or Red Ryder Nails the Cleveland Street Kid" (from the book "In
God we Trust: All Others Pay Cash") by Jean Shepherd
Great American original made into the movie The Christmas Story. "...You'll shoot your eye out kid..."
(5) "Some Damnable Errors About Christmas" from "A Christmas Garland" by Sir Max Beerbohm
Hyper-orthodox friends--of which we have many--will enjoy this parody of G. K. Chesterton: but be warned, graduates of the public schools will likely think it is in earnest. "...as seekers after truth we should be compelled to regard with a dark suspicion, and to check with the most anxious care, every fact that he told us about isosceles triangles..."
(6) "The Three Wise Guys" by Damon Runyon
Like the classic John Ford Western Three Godfathers, it puts three bad (but not horribly bad) men in the roles of the Magi, with humorous/sentimental effects. "...Miss Clarabelle Cobb comes of very religious people back in Akron, Ohio, and she is taught from childhood that rum is a terrible thing, and personally I think it is myself, except in cocktails..."
(7) "Joyeux Noël, Mr. Durning" by James Thurber
Will be be enjoyed by anyone who has ever received a gift which was a "project." "...the joli cadeau de Noël had arrived at my home five days after Pâques..."
(8) "The Gift of the Magi" by O. Henry
Perhaps we stretch the meaning of humor with this inclusion, but we recommend it nevertheless. It's in the public domain. "...The magi, as you know, were wise men--wonderfully wise men--who brought gifts to the Babe in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents. Being wise, their gifts were no doubt wise ones, possibly bearing the privilege of exchange in case of duplication..."
(9) "The Office Party" by Corey Ford
A gem from the days before political correctness and ubiquitous lawsuits took all the fun out of the holidays. "...The annual Office Party starts along about noon on December 24 and ends
two or three months later, depending how long it takes the boss to find out who set fire to his wastebasket, threw the water cooler out of the window, and betrayed Miss O'Malley in the men's washroom..."
(10) "Christmas Afternoon" by Robert Benchley
Done in the Manner, if Not the Spirit, of Dickens. "...And as Tiny Tim might say in speaking of Christmas afternoon as an institution, 'God help us, every one.'"
Membership is free, and truly a sign of good taste undaunted by throbbing modernity. Check the website out here. Meanwhile, here's their Christmas Reading List:
(1) "A Christmas Garland of Books" by Robert Benchley
What better gift for that hard-to-buy-for person than a book? "...A man's whole life could be changed by such a fortuitous slip of the rubber..."
(2) "Why I Love Christmas" by John Waters
Blue collar Baltimore meets rainbow colored Provincetown when John Waters
takes on American commercialized Christmas traditions. "...Why hasn't Bloomingdale's or Tiffany's tried a fancy Santa. Deathly pale, this never-too-thin-or-too-rich Kris Kringle, dressed in head-to-toe unstructured, over-size Armani, could pose on a throne, bored and elegant, and every so often deign to let a rich little brat sit near his lap before dismissing his wishes with a condescending "Oh, darling, you don't really want that, do you?..."
(3) "A Bum's Christmas" by H. L. Mencken
A jaundiced look at Christmas charity from another Baltimore writer. "Despite all the snorting against them in works of divinity, it has always been my experience that infidels--or freethinkers, as they usually prefer to call themselves--are a generally estimable class of men, with strong overtones of the benevolent and even of the sentimental. This was certainly true, for example, of Leopold Bortsch, Totsaufer [customers' man] for the Scharnhorst Brewery, in Baltimore, forty-five years ago..."
(4) "Duel in the Snow, or Red Ryder Nails the Cleveland Street Kid" (from the book "In
God we Trust: All Others Pay Cash") by Jean Shepherd
Great American original made into the movie The Christmas Story. "...You'll shoot your eye out kid..."
(5) "Some Damnable Errors About Christmas" from "A Christmas Garland" by Sir Max Beerbohm
Hyper-orthodox friends--of which we have many--will enjoy this parody of G. K. Chesterton: but be warned, graduates of the public schools will likely think it is in earnest. "...as seekers after truth we should be compelled to regard with a dark suspicion, and to check with the most anxious care, every fact that he told us about isosceles triangles..."
(6) "The Three Wise Guys" by Damon Runyon
Like the classic John Ford Western Three Godfathers, it puts three bad (but not horribly bad) men in the roles of the Magi, with humorous/sentimental effects. "...Miss Clarabelle Cobb comes of very religious people back in Akron, Ohio, and she is taught from childhood that rum is a terrible thing, and personally I think it is myself, except in cocktails..."
(7) "Joyeux Noël, Mr. Durning" by James Thurber
Will be be enjoyed by anyone who has ever received a gift which was a "project." "...the joli cadeau de Noël had arrived at my home five days after Pâques..."
(8) "The Gift of the Magi" by O. Henry
Perhaps we stretch the meaning of humor with this inclusion, but we recommend it nevertheless. It's in the public domain. "...The magi, as you know, were wise men--wonderfully wise men--who brought gifts to the Babe in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents. Being wise, their gifts were no doubt wise ones, possibly bearing the privilege of exchange in case of duplication..."
(9) "The Office Party" by Corey Ford
A gem from the days before political correctness and ubiquitous lawsuits took all the fun out of the holidays. "...The annual Office Party starts along about noon on December 24 and ends
two or three months later, depending how long it takes the boss to find out who set fire to his wastebasket, threw the water cooler out of the window, and betrayed Miss O'Malley in the men's washroom..."
(10) "Christmas Afternoon" by Robert Benchley
Done in the Manner, if Not the Spirit, of Dickens. "...And as Tiny Tim might say in speaking of Christmas afternoon as an institution, 'God help us, every one.'"
There's a school in Toronto that offers a degree in comedy. It doesn't mention whether there's a minor in pot-smoking.
It's always nice to see a college pal get ink...
Yesterday was John Hogdman Day in The New York Observer; not only was he fingered as one of the city's top "power punks"--he was also kindly mentioned in a rather mean-spirited gripe about a New School event sponsored by The Believer.
John's a lovely, funny guy, and a fixture of one of my life's lowest points, a stint in a video store in Connecticut. (Where the manager started every morning--EVERY morning--by playing the movie "Groundhog Day.") He's too much of a gentleman to bring that up. So kudos to you, John, may you always use your power-punkdom for good, never for evil.
In a completely unrelated story--honest--a drinking cup from a notorious 18th Century Scottish sex club was just sold. Oh, if that cup had a mouth...
John's a lovely, funny guy, and a fixture of one of my life's lowest points, a stint in a video store in Connecticut. (Where the manager started every morning--EVERY morning--by playing the movie "Groundhog Day.") He's too much of a gentleman to bring that up. So kudos to you, John, may you always use your power-punkdom for good, never for evil.
In a completely unrelated story--honest--a drinking cup from a notorious 18th Century Scottish sex club was just sold. Oh, if that cup had a mouth...
Monday, December 8, 2003
Barry Trotter in Singapore
Globe-trotting satirist Bob Harris reports:
"Hi Mike --
I'm in Singapore, and while wandering the Borders here, came across the largest Barry Trotter display I've seen -- both books, turned facing out, occupying about half a shelf in the humour section, just about as big as the chunk Michael Moore was given.
I'll email you a pic when I get home. Thought you'd be pleased."
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! And the just-released first book continues to kick butt in Germany, too, with an excellent, slightly mind-bending cover. And #2, Barry Trotter and the Unnecessary Sequel, is following up strong. All of us at Gerber HQ (me, Kate, the cats, dust mites) are psyched out of our minds.
"Hi Mike --
I'm in Singapore, and while wandering the Borders here, came across the largest Barry Trotter display I've seen -- both books, turned facing out, occupying about half a shelf in the humour section, just about as big as the chunk Michael Moore was given.
I'll email you a pic when I get home. Thought you'd be pleased."
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! And the just-released first book continues to kick butt in Germany, too, with an excellent, slightly mind-bending cover. And #2, Barry Trotter and the Unnecessary Sequel, is following up strong. All of us at Gerber HQ (me, Kate, the cats, dust mites) are psyched out of our minds.
Friday, December 5, 2003
Long time no blog...
...but at least it hasn't been 2,500 years. English roadway workers have just unearthed a skeleton in a chariot buried 500 BC.
After a marginally interesting post such as that one, the question each of you must ask yourselves is, "Why am I not reading Ed Page's Danger Blog instead?" He just sent me an email full of hysterically funny stuff by and about Conan O'Brien. I'm man enough to admit when somebody's funnier than I am, and Conan's funnier than I am.
That having been said, Barry Trotter and the Unnecessary Sequel is kicking ass in Britain, while the first book is running roughshod in Germany. And there's an as-yet-untitled Number Three in the works...Watch this space for more details...
After a marginally interesting post such as that one, the question each of you must ask yourselves is, "Why am I not reading Ed Page's Danger Blog instead?" He just sent me an email full of hysterically funny stuff by and about Conan O'Brien. I'm man enough to admit when somebody's funnier than I am, and Conan's funnier than I am.
That having been said, Barry Trotter and the Unnecessary Sequel is kicking ass in Britain, while the first book is running roughshod in Germany. And there's an as-yet-untitled Number Three in the works...Watch this space for more details...
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