Barry Trotter (Book 1)
The Hogwash School for Wizards was the most famous school in the wizarding world, and Barry Trotter was its most famous student. His mere presence made sure that every year twenty candidates applied for every open spot, no matter how rapacious Hogwash's tuition became. As a result, Barry and the school had come to an unspoken agreement: regardless of his grades, Barry could remain at Hogwash for as long as he wished. He had just begun his eleventh year...Freshman
Sleepy with boredom and gassy from lunch, Hart Fox sat in the hard plastic chair outside his dean's office. A kid walked in the door, pink detention slip in hand, bobbing his head a little so that the purple spikes of his mohawk didn't get bent on the transom. He slumped down next to Hart. Hart nodded--he remembered tis joker from sophomore American History, constantly arguing in favor of anarcho-syndicalism. Was his name Henry?...Sophomore
Arcing lazily through the air, the Frisbee smacked against the window. “Ooo-oo!” a chiseled and shirtless boy teased as it wobbleplummeted to the ground. “Sarah's in troub-le!”The beauty-boy was righter than he knew: Of all the windows on campus to hit, this one was the worst. It belonged to Stutts’ Professor of Clandestine Affairs, Glenbard North, who had destroyed more students than there were blades of grass on the freshly resodded Old Quad below...Coming Soon!
All you really gotta know is, I'm writing new things constantly and the more I write, the better my books get. So if you've read my earlier work--and millions of you have--we should keep in touch. This fall, at least one and maybe two new books will be available: a Dickens parody AND a comic mystery loosely based on The Beatles. Drop me an email at mikesnewbooks[at]gmail[dot]com, and I'll be sure to let you know release dates, special deals, etc.Friday, July 6, 2007
Newsbreaks for Friday
Audio version is here.
Hurry up. You only have until five o’clock Eastern time to vote for the new Seven Wonders of the World. No, you can’t vote for “my wang.” They won’t take it. Don’t ask me how I know this.
The voting was initially dominated by Latin America and Asia, but in recent weeks there’s been a surge of voters from Europe and the US. This may explain the surprising emergence of the new front-runner, “New Berry Blast Doritos.”
The campaign was begun in 1999 by a Swiss adventurer named Bernard Weber. “Adventurer” is a polite way of saying, “Can’t hold a job.”
But even the chronically unemployed can come up with a good idea—(cough “Barry Trotter”). Weber’s campaign has netted over 90,000,000 votes world-wide. That’s the heartwarming part. Unfortunately, they’re being tallied by Diebold.
So don’t be surprised if you wake up tomorrow and Dick Cheney is Emperor.
“Who wants to impeach me NOW?”
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Newsbreaks for Thursday
Audio version is here.
People are flocking to a zoo in Germany to take a gander at a zebrula. That’s a cross between a horse and a zebra. “It’s known for its skills in magic.”
Zebrulas have been around since the 19th Century. It was a popular pastime among the Victorians to put animals together to see if they would “do it.”
Sexual repression does strange things to people.
Kaiser Wilhelm of Germany spent twenty years trying to create the “Turtlion,” hoping to forge a hybrid army that would help him conquer the world.
Actually, when I look at this photo, I don’t think “hybrid species.” I think “trip to Home Depot.”
“Do you have a flat white latex suitable for horses?’
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Here in the US, we celebrate our country...
...by not working. So I'm not doing Newsbreaks today. Instead, I may go to the beach, or work on a book, or research a troublesome medical condition. THAT's the way to celebrate independence.
In the meantime, I've added some pals to the blogroll:
--Dennis Perrin's new site;
--"writer, actor, and radio guy" Charlie Schroeder;
--and comedian Dirk Voetberg.
See you tomorrow!
In the meantime, I've added some pals to the blogroll:
--Dennis Perrin's new site;
--"writer, actor, and radio guy" Charlie Schroeder;
--and comedian Dirk Voetberg.
See you tomorrow!
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