Barry Trotter (Book 1)
The Hogwash School for Wizards was the most famous school in the wizarding world, and Barry Trotter was its most famous student. His mere presence made sure that every year twenty candidates applied for every open spot, no matter how rapacious Hogwash's tuition became. As a result, Barry and the school had come to an unspoken agreement: regardless of his grades, Barry could remain at Hogwash for as long as he wished. He had just begun his eleventh year...Freshman
Sleepy with boredom and gassy from lunch, Hart Fox sat in the hard plastic chair outside his dean's office. A kid walked in the door, pink detention slip in hand, bobbing his head a little so that the purple spikes of his mohawk didn't get bent on the transom. He slumped down next to Hart. Hart nodded--he remembered tis joker from sophomore American History, constantly arguing in favor of anarcho-syndicalism. Was his name Henry?...Sophomore
Arcing lazily through the air, the Frisbee smacked against the window. “Ooo-oo!” a chiseled and shirtless boy teased as it wobbleplummeted to the ground. “Sarah's in troub-le!”The beauty-boy was righter than he knew: Of all the windows on campus to hit, this one was the worst. It belonged to Stutts’ Professor of Clandestine Affairs, Glenbard North, who had destroyed more students than there were blades of grass on the freshly resodded Old Quad below...Coming Soon!
All you really gotta know is, I'm writing new things constantly and the more I write, the better my books get. So if you've read my earlier work--and millions of you have--we should keep in touch. This fall, at least one and maybe two new books will be available: a Dickens parody AND a comic mystery loosely based on The Beatles. Drop me an email at mikesnewbooks[at]gmail[dot]com, and I'll be sure to let you know release dates, special deals, etc.Thursday, August 9, 2007
The siege continues...
Day 444 of the Great Beatle Book Freak-Out. Meanwhile, here's something funny from Dirk Voetberg...
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Newsbreaks Greatest Hits #1
(Folks, I'm up against several deadlines regarding this Beatles novel I'm doing, so here's a Newsbreaks from earlier this summer. Enjoy.)
Audio version is here.
The bald eagle, once nearly extinct, has been taken off the endangered species list. As a result of the ruling, the eagle will now be known by its new name: “chicken.”
“We think every American should be pleased by this news,” the White House said. “Now can everybody please shut up about the environment?”
The eagle has been under the protection of the Endangered Species Act. At least that’s what liberals call it. Conservatives call it “which animals to make fun of when we want to build a power plant.”
Since this is the Bush Administration, you have to wonder: are the eagles really safe, or have they just been voting Democratic? “We’ll thin those bastards out!”
The birds’ comeback is largely due to an unexpected ability to adapt to urban sprawl.
By the way, do you know how French people pronounce “Mall of America”? “Le redundant.”
Audio version is here.
The bald eagle, once nearly extinct, has been taken off the endangered species list. As a result of the ruling, the eagle will now be known by its new name: “chicken.”
“We think every American should be pleased by this news,” the White House said. “Now can everybody please shut up about the environment?”
The eagle has been under the protection of the Endangered Species Act. At least that’s what liberals call it. Conservatives call it “which animals to make fun of when we want to build a power plant.”
Since this is the Bush Administration, you have to wonder: are the eagles really safe, or have they just been voting Democratic? “We’ll thin those bastards out!”
The birds’ comeback is largely due to an unexpected ability to adapt to urban sprawl.
By the way, do you know how French people pronounce “Mall of America”? “Le redundant.”
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Newsbreaks for Tuesday (Kids and McDonalds)
For best viewing, allow the video to load completely. Audio version is here.
A new study from the Stanford School of Medicine shows that preschoolers prefer the taste of food when they think it comes from McDonald’s. So just to update you, the score stands at Satan 453 trillion, parents zero.
When presented with the same exact food, the lead researcher said, “the kids actually thought the McDonald’s food tasted better.” That’s pretty striking. But what’s amazing is they thought the McDonald’s food tasted like food.
This study surprises no one who’s been around small children, all of whom would sell their father into slavery for a Happy Meal, if that were possible. (And rest assured, one day that will be possible.) That little kids are susceptible to marketing is not the depressing part. The depressing part is we never get any less susceptible. “No, dear, we’re not getting McDonald’s. Mommy has to go get her Wonderbra.”
The study was meant to highlight the growing problem of childhood obesity—emphasis on the ‘growing’—as if being knee-deep in huge-ass kids wasn’t enough. I’ve seen toddlers one could only classify as “gas giants.”
Fact is, this problem would be easy to solve if we really wanted to solve it. Is it any wonder that the kids in the study were all low-income? That’s not a cheeseburger, kid—it’s class warfare. And you’re lovin’ it.
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