Barry Trotter (Book 1)
The Hogwash School for Wizards was the most famous school in the wizarding world, and Barry Trotter was its most famous student. His mere presence made sure that every year twenty candidates applied for every open spot, no matter how rapacious Hogwash's tuition became. As a result, Barry and the school had come to an unspoken agreement: regardless of his grades, Barry could remain at Hogwash for as long as he wished. He had just begun his eleventh year...Freshman
Sleepy with boredom and gassy from lunch, Hart Fox sat in the hard plastic chair outside his dean's office. A kid walked in the door, pink detention slip in hand, bobbing his head a little so that the purple spikes of his mohawk didn't get bent on the transom. He slumped down next to Hart. Hart nodded--he remembered tis joker from sophomore American History, constantly arguing in favor of anarcho-syndicalism. Was his name Henry?...Sophomore
Arcing lazily through the air, the Frisbee smacked against the window. “Ooo-oo!” a chiseled and shirtless boy teased as it wobbleplummeted to the ground. “Sarah's in troub-le!”The beauty-boy was righter than he knew: Of all the windows on campus to hit, this one was the worst. It belonged to Stutts’ Professor of Clandestine Affairs, Glenbard North, who had destroyed more students than there were blades of grass on the freshly resodded Old Quad below...Coming Soon!
All you really gotta know is, I'm writing new things constantly and the more I write, the better my books get. So if you've read my earlier work--and millions of you have--we should keep in touch. This fall, at least one and maybe two new books will be available: a Dickens parody AND a comic mystery loosely based on The Beatles. Drop me an email at mikesnewbooks[at]gmail[dot]com, and I'll be sure to let you know release dates, special deals, etc.Thursday, May 10, 2007
Newsbreaks for Friday
Audio version is here.
Presidential candidate John Edwards continues to face accusations that his wealth and expensive tastes make him an unsuitable advocate for America’s poor. You can’t deny the logic: to get things done in Washington, it helps to be indigent.
Filmmaker Michael Moore is being investigated by the Treasury Department after going to Cuba without proper authorization. It’s a good thing, too--we wouldn’t want him coming back with all sorts of radical ideas.
And finally, the White House is continuing its search for a “War Czar,” to oversee the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan. Pretty soon, they’ll have to take out a classified ad. “WANTED: Beltway insider to manage ill-conceived, underfunded, unpopular war. Military background a plus. Must fit over Dick Cheney’s hand.”
Newsbreaks for Thursday
Audio version is here.
When asked today about the latest Congressional proposal for a timetable on Iraq, President Bush said, “We reject that idea.” We? Sounds like somebody’s been spending too much time with the Queen.
Still, there seems to be movement towards a compromise. “My terms are these,” said the President. “If the Democrats can come up with a prudent, responsible bill, I promise to blame them for everything that happens after that.”
And finally, Tony Blair announced today that he would step down on June 27. “I am proud of what we’ve accomplished,” Blair said. “Together, we’ve turned this great nation into something even greater: a tweedy version of Puerto Rico.”
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Newsbreaks for Wednesday
Audio version is here.
A new study says that hormones taken at the onset of menopause may have beneficial effects. But not everybody is convinced. One scientist said, “I’d question anything funded by The MILF Institute.”
Last weekend, America’s original astronauts gathered to say goodbye to one of their own, Wally Schirra. Schirra was remembered for his legendary practical jokes, which included smuggling a corned beef sandwich onto a space flight. Once, while in orbit, Schirra described Santa Claus’ sleigh to Mission Control. Of course, some gags were less successful. [Challenger]
And finally, Hollywood insiders say that socialite-slash-argument for communism Paris Hilton will become even more famous after going to jail. They also predict she’ll follow in the steps of Paul Newman and introduce a signature line of “toilet wine.”
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