Barry Trotter (Book 1)
The Hogwash School for Wizards was the most famous school in the wizarding world, and Barry Trotter was its most famous student. His mere presence made sure that every year twenty candidates applied for every open spot, no matter how rapacious Hogwash's tuition became. As a result, Barry and the school had come to an unspoken agreement: regardless of his grades, Barry could remain at Hogwash for as long as he wished. He had just begun his eleventh year...Freshman
Sleepy with boredom and gassy from lunch, Hart Fox sat in the hard plastic chair outside his dean's office. A kid walked in the door, pink detention slip in hand, bobbing his head a little so that the purple spikes of his mohawk didn't get bent on the transom. He slumped down next to Hart. Hart nodded--he remembered tis joker from sophomore American History, constantly arguing in favor of anarcho-syndicalism. Was his name Henry?...Sophomore
Arcing lazily through the air, the Frisbee smacked against the window. “Ooo-oo!” a chiseled and shirtless boy teased as it wobbleplummeted to the ground. “Sarah's in troub-le!”The beauty-boy was righter than he knew: Of all the windows on campus to hit, this one was the worst. It belonged to Stutts’ Professor of Clandestine Affairs, Glenbard North, who had destroyed more students than there were blades of grass on the freshly resodded Old Quad below...Coming Soon!
All you really gotta know is, I'm writing new things constantly and the more I write, the better my books get. So if you've read my earlier work--and millions of you have--we should keep in touch. This fall, at least one and maybe two new books will be available: a Dickens parody AND a comic mystery loosely based on The Beatles. Drop me an email at mikesnewbooks[at]gmail[dot]com, and I'll be sure to let you know release dates, special deals, etc.Monday, April 16, 2007
Newsbreaks for Monday
Audio version is here.
Text:
Sallie Mae, the nation’s largest provider of student loans, is being sold to a group of private investors. Unfortunately for students, the group is led by this man.
[picture of Tony Soprano]
ConocoPhillips and Tyson Foods are teaming up to produce diesel fuel made from beef, pork and poultry fat. “Quickly, Robin—to the schmaltzmobile!”
You know what this is leading to, don’t you? “Obesity—our most precious natural resource.”
A study has revealed that teens enrolled in abstinence classes are just as likely to have sex as teens who aren’t. On the other hand, the Abstinence final’s really easy.
The study said that both groups even had sex at the same average age: 14.9 years. Wow—that means for everybody out there who waits until marriage, there’s a really creepy five-year-old.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Newsbreaks for Friday
Audio version is here.
Text:
This morning, an anti-war activist crashed President Bush’s speech at the National Catholic Prayer Breakfast. Bush ignored her, but as she was dragged off, he did ask an aide, “Who let in the Christian?”
The Chinese government is launching a new crackdown on online pornography. That makes a lot of sense. With a population of 1.3 billion, the last thing you’d want to encourage is masturbation.
An Indonesian jet packed with passengers was forced to turn around over India after a test-fired missile streaked by in front of it. No one on the jet was injured, but there WAS a humungous line for the bathroom.
British scientists have discovered a gene that contributes to obesity. In their study, people who carried two copies of the FTO gene weighed 7 pounds more than people who just had one. That first copy’s tiny—but that second one’s as big as your head.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Newsbreaks for Thursday
Audio version is here.
Text:
Scientists have announced that they’ve been able to decode genetic material from a 68 million-year-old specimen of Tyrannosaurus rex. I don’t know about you, but the six-year-old in me just came a little.
Said Matthew T. Carrano, curator of dinosaurs at the Smithsonian, "This opens up a whole avenue of research. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m expecting a call from the Pentagon.”
A suicide bomber detonated in the cafeteria of the Iraqi parliament building today, killing at least eight people. Yet the Iraqis are taking it in stride. “We are not afraid,” one survivor told Al-Jazeera. “That happens to everybody who orders the ziti.”
And finally, Swiss megacorporation Nestle SA announced today that it is buying Gerber for an estimated $5.5 billion. It was just $5 billion, but then my wife decided to throw in Willa.
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