Barry Trotter (Book 1)
The Hogwash School for Wizards was the most famous school in the wizarding world, and Barry Trotter was its most famous student. His mere presence made sure that every year twenty candidates applied for every open spot, no matter how rapacious Hogwash's tuition became. As a result, Barry and the school had come to an unspoken agreement: regardless of his grades, Barry could remain at Hogwash for as long as he wished. He had just begun his eleventh year...Freshman
Sleepy with boredom and gassy from lunch, Hart Fox sat in the hard plastic chair outside his dean's office. A kid walked in the door, pink detention slip in hand, bobbing his head a little so that the purple spikes of his mohawk didn't get bent on the transom. He slumped down next to Hart. Hart nodded--he remembered tis joker from sophomore American History, constantly arguing in favor of anarcho-syndicalism. Was his name Henry?...Sophomore
Arcing lazily through the air, the Frisbee smacked against the window. “Ooo-oo!” a chiseled and shirtless boy teased as it wobbleplummeted to the ground. “Sarah's in troub-le!”The beauty-boy was righter than he knew: Of all the windows on campus to hit, this one was the worst. It belonged to Stutts’ Professor of Clandestine Affairs, Glenbard North, who had destroyed more students than there were blades of grass on the freshly resodded Old Quad below...Coming Soon!
All you really gotta know is, I'm writing new things constantly and the more I write, the better my books get. So if you've read my earlier work--and millions of you have--we should keep in touch. This fall, at least one and maybe two new books will be available: a Dickens parody AND a comic mystery loosely based on The Beatles. Drop me an email at mikesnewbooks[at]gmail[dot]com, and I'll be sure to let you know release dates, special deals, etc.Friday, April 6, 2007
Newsbreaks for Friday
Not as sacreligious as you'd expect.
Audio version is here.
Text:
The beach party may be over for the entrepreneur behind “Girls Gone Wild.” Joe Francis is facing a lawsuit which claims some of the women in his videos were underage. [whispers] And I think some of them might’ve been drunk, too.
Marathons are going high-tech. Special “timing mats” positioned along the course can now send automatic updates to your friends watching the race. You know, stuff like how long you’ve run, how much you have left, and how long it will be before you lose control of your bowels.
“Dude, I’m totally taking a picture.”
And finally, today being Good Friday, I’d like each one of you to take a moment and remember a great man on the anniversary of his death. Though he died a long time ago, this simple man from the humblest of beginnings, inspired so many people that his image and words still surround us today. I’m talking, of course, about Abraham Lincoln.
Audio version is here.
Text:
The beach party may be over for the entrepreneur behind “Girls Gone Wild.” Joe Francis is facing a lawsuit which claims some of the women in his videos were underage. [whispers] And I think some of them might’ve been drunk, too.
Marathons are going high-tech. Special “timing mats” positioned along the course can now send automatic updates to your friends watching the race. You know, stuff like how long you’ve run, how much you have left, and how long it will be before you lose control of your bowels.
“Dude, I’m totally taking a picture.”
And finally, today being Good Friday, I’d like each one of you to take a moment and remember a great man on the anniversary of his death. Though he died a long time ago, this simple man from the humblest of beginnings, inspired so many people that his image and words still surround us today. I’m talking, of course, about Abraham Lincoln.
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Newsbreaks for Thursday
Audio version is here.
Text:
The Thai government has blocked access to YouTube, after a user uploaded a video mocking that country’s monarch. Excuse me for a second, I have to go sing our national anthem.
Apparently the final straw was when the video juxtaposed images of King Bhumibol Adulyadej with pictures of feet. You mean like…this? Okay, I chickened out.
I don’t need a bunch of angry Thais coming after me. I’ve got enough on my plate. Maybe if it weren’t tax time.
Authorities in Seattle say a 14-year-old girl there was sexually abused by a woman posing as a 17-year-old boy. The girl suspected that her boyfriend Mark wasn’t male, but couldn’t be sure because he would never let her see his privates. Dear, if Mark HAD been a 17-year-old boy, he would’ve done NOTHING BUT show you his privates.
And finally, a Toronto elementary school principal has pleaded guilty to flinging feces on a child. But the worst thing—the really horrible thing about it, is—she didn’t use her hands.
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