Five things you didn't know about the Indy 500

The famed Indy 500 auto race takes place this weekend, and even though only retards care, I thought I'd share a few Indy facts I've picked up over the years.

Fallacy #1: It’s called the Indy 500 because the track is located near Indianapolis, Indiana.
Untrue! The race is named for its first winner, Indira Gandhi.



Fallacy #2: The “500” refers to the number of miles in the race.
Nope! It can be as long or as short as the governing body decides. “500” is how many commercials they run before declaring it over. Whoever’s leading at that point, wins.

Fallacy #3: Women cannot drive race cars during their period.
A sexist lie! As Danica Patrick proves, there is no biological reason women cannot drive race cars—although the g-forces involved can rip off their breasts.

Fallacy #4: The nickname “Brickyard” comes from the bricks originally used to pave the Speedway.
Uh-uh. In the early days of racing, all speedways were brick (except for the few “safety courses” that used three feet of water). This particular one was called “The Brickyard” after spectators’ penchant for hurling paving stones at drivers they didn’t like.

Fallacy #5: Upon winning the race, the winner is given a quart of milk.
If only! That’s a jug of piping hot boar semen.