Barry Trotter (Book 1)
The Hogwash School for Wizards was the most famous school in the wizarding world, and Barry Trotter was its most famous student. His mere presence made sure that every year twenty candidates applied for every open spot, no matter how rapacious Hogwash's tuition became. As a result, Barry and the school had come to an unspoken agreement: regardless of his grades, Barry could remain at Hogwash for as long as he wished. He had just begun his eleventh year...Freshman
Sleepy with boredom and gassy from lunch, Hart Fox sat in the hard plastic chair outside his dean's office. A kid walked in the door, pink detention slip in hand, bobbing his head a little so that the purple spikes of his mohawk didn't get bent on the transom. He slumped down next to Hart. Hart nodded--he remembered tis joker from sophomore American History, constantly arguing in favor of anarcho-syndicalism. Was his name Henry?...Sophomore
Arcing lazily through the air, the Frisbee smacked against the window. “Ooo-oo!” a chiseled and shirtless boy teased as it wobbleplummeted to the ground. “Sarah's in troub-le!”The beauty-boy was righter than he knew: Of all the windows on campus to hit, this one was the worst. It belonged to Stutts’ Professor of Clandestine Affairs, Glenbard North, who had destroyed more students than there were blades of grass on the freshly resodded Old Quad below...Coming Soon!
All you really gotta know is, I'm writing new things constantly and the more I write, the better my books get. So if you've read my earlier work--and millions of you have--we should keep in touch. This fall, at least one and maybe two new books will be available: a Dickens parody AND a comic mystery loosely based on The Beatles. Drop me an email at mikesnewbooks[at]gmail[dot]com, and I'll be sure to let you know release dates, special deals, etc.Thursday, November 7, 2002
Black people also love ME...
...especially when I quote old Richard Pryor routines to show I understand. But they love these two so much more.
Tuesday, November 5, 2002
Roundup
David Letterman's gonna be simulcasting on radio.
And from Japan, "What about things like S&M, fatties, old women or irregular types of love games? Can you do them?" Prostitutes now giving out grades, certificates. Can Kaplan be far behind?
And from Japan, "What about things like S&M, fatties, old women or irregular types of love games? Can you do them?" Prostitutes now giving out grades, certificates. Can Kaplan be far behind?
Simone de Beauvoir on the US publishing biz
While poking around the site Moby Lives, I found this 1947 quote from Simone de Beauvoir posted by a reader in the Letters section: "Publishers and editors size up your mind in a critical and distasteful way, like an impresario asking a dancer to show her legs. They have contempt for the start for the product they're going to buy, as well as for the public on whom they'll foist the goods. Their role is to create between these two ridiculous forms of humanity -- the author and the reader -- a relationshp that is equally preposterous, but which their skill wll nonetheless convert into respectable dollars for the publisher. The very precision of their methods turns writing into a grocery store item. They say, 'I want 2,500 words. We pay so many dollars for 1,500 words.' A French editor must also count columns and lines of type, but with more flexibility. As for the contents of the articles, in France it is still accepted that certain values have meaning and that the public is capable of recognizing them. Here, it's a question of concealing from stupid readers the fundamental foolishness of the pages they're offered. This stupidity, amplified by the arrogant contempt of the businessmen who exploit it, rules the day. You are not allowed to trust the public, in the hope that they will trust you. You must give them what they want. The problem is that you must surprise them at the same time, surprise being one of the recommended forms of bait. Hence, a serious dilemma -- propose a subject for an unpublished article, and they tell you that Americans aren't interested in that; choose a question that concerns them, and they object that it's already hackneyed. The trick is to invent a provocative little novelty amid the commonplace."
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