What would Jesus do?

Like many people, I was appalled this morning to read Pat Robertson's comments regarding Venezualan leader Hugo Chavez. I am not a member of any Christian denomination, but to me assassinating someone (even a foreign leader you don't like) seems to be the exact opposite of Christ's message. For which, it must be remembered, he was assassinated.

I was all set to write a squib pointing this out (in a humorous way of course). Then I thought, "Wait a sec. Pat Robertson, as much as I despise him, has probably read the Bible a lot more closely than I have. I'd better check my sources before going off half-cocked." As we all know, most people who read this blog are highly devout fundamentalist Christians, as well as real sticklers for accuracy.

So I skimmed through the New Testament, and you know what? Robertson's right! Christ is constantly offing people, usually for political gain. The dude's a one-man killing machine. "For He so loved the world, that he gave His only begotten sniper." "Blessed are the hitmen." "Do unto others, but cover your tracks, to minimize blowback." The whole thing reads like a study packet from The School of the Americas.

The apostle John has some particularly interesting things to say about remote-controlled carbombs. And the whole reason Jesus had to raise Lazarus is because he had flown into a fit of rage and...you'll have to read it yourself. It's so bloodthirsty that I really don't feel comfortable posting excerpts here. Suffice to say that I was shocked; who would've imagined that the Sermon on the Mount was delivered from the Grassy Knoll?