Friday, September 7, 2007
Newsbreaks 9.07.07 (Doris Anderson)
For best viewing, allow the video to load completely. Audio version is here.
Two weeks ago, a 76-year-old woman disappeared during a hunting trip with her husband. This is called “a backwoods divorce.”
Amazingly, the woman has been found, and it looks like she’s going to make it. Grizzly Adams, meet Grizzly Eves.
Authorities found Doris Anderson at the bottom of a canyon near Baker City, Oregon. “Thank god you found me,” she said to rescuers. “I gotta get home and watch my shows.”
She and her husband Harold had gone bow hunting. That’s a variation of the sport where instead of killing the animal, you decorate it.
Mrs. Anderson was slightly dehydrated and had suffered a small injury to her hip, but was otherwise unharmed. It’s remarkable, considering that the only tool she had was her upper plate. Maybe she used it like a throwing star.
Doris’ sister Iris credited her survival to prayer. And an intense desire to kick Harold’s ass. “Just going to take a leak, huh? I’ll give you a leak.”
I don’t like Harold’s chances. That’s no old lady, that’s a Terminatrix.
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A man wanted to join a religion but could not decide which one. First he went to a Protestant church and was invited into the office of the minister. As he was talking to the minister he noticed a red phone on the minister’s desk and asked what it was for. The minister told him it was a direct phone line to God but they didn’t use it very often because it cost one thousand dollars a minute.
ReplyDeleteNext the man went to a Catholic church and spoke with the priest. Again he noticed a red phone on the priest’s desk and again asked what it was for. The priest told him it was a direct phone line to God but they did not use it very often because it cost one hundred dollars a minute.
Next he went to a Jewish synagogue and spoke with the Rabi. Again he noticed the red phone but this time he was ready and told the Rabi “I know what that is for, that is a direct line to God but I bet you don’t use it very often due to the cost.” The Rabi replied, “Oh no, we use it all the time, it’s a local call.”