Friend Dick Lemon is reading a book that airs the dirty laundry of famous writers (he's promised me a copy, which I'm looking forward to). His reading has inspired Dick to pen the following poem, which I found amusing--and accurate.
WRITERS AND BOOKS
Writers of words are a curious lot,
Some of them act well but many do not,
Some make good husbands and fathers and such,
But many are wastrels who don’t care for much,
A few are most modest but that’s rare indeed,
Most pursue fame not with love but with greed,
Some are quite generous but most compete
With both the high and the man in the street.
Such piffle it is, for books on the shelves
Are free of their writers and speak for themselves.
Barry Trotter (Book 1)
The Hogwash School for Wizards was the most famous school in the wizarding world, and Barry Trotter was its most famous student. His mere presence made sure that every year twenty candidates applied for every open spot, no matter how rapacious Hogwash's tuition became. As a result, Barry and the school had come to an unspoken agreement: regardless of his grades, Barry could remain at Hogwash for as long as he wished. He had just begun his eleventh year...Freshman
Sleepy with boredom and gassy from lunch, Hart Fox sat in the hard plastic chair outside his dean's office. A kid walked in the door, pink detention slip in hand, bobbing his head a little so that the purple spikes of his mohawk didn't get bent on the transom. He slumped down next to Hart. Hart nodded--he remembered tis joker from sophomore American History, constantly arguing in favor of anarcho-syndicalism. Was his name Henry?...Sophomore
Arcing lazily through the air, the Frisbee smacked against the window. “Ooo-oo!” a chiseled and shirtless boy teased as it wobbleplummeted to the ground. “Sarah's in troub-le!”The beauty-boy was righter than he knew: Of all the windows on campus to hit, this one was the worst. It belonged to Stutts’ Professor of Clandestine Affairs, Glenbard North, who had destroyed more students than there were blades of grass on the freshly resodded Old Quad below...Coming Soon!
All you really gotta know is, I'm writing new things constantly and the more I write, the better my books get. So if you've read my earlier work--and millions of you have--we should keep in touch. This fall, at least one and maybe two new books will be available: a Dickens parody AND a comic mystery loosely based on The Beatles. Drop me an email at mikesnewbooks[at]gmail[dot]com, and I'll be sure to let you know release dates, special deals, etc.Thursday, March 30, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
God of the Internet reads Barry Trotter...
...if we can believe this article in the Malaysian Star. Dr. Vinton Cerf, computer scientist extraordinaire, lists "Barry Trotter" as one of the books on his desk.
Suddenly I am seized with a desire to rewrite the book. Are there any jokes slamming the TCP/IP protocol? If so, Mr. Cerf, I swear to God I didn't mean it. Because if there's anybody who's figured out a way to reach through the internet and kill me, it's you, and I'm really really sorry for what I said about packet switched computer networks.
He was born in New Haven, CT, which makes me like him already.
Suddenly I am seized with a desire to rewrite the book. Are there any jokes slamming the TCP/IP protocol? If so, Mr. Cerf, I swear to God I didn't mean it. Because if there's anybody who's figured out a way to reach through the internet and kill me, it's you, and I'm really really sorry for what I said about packet switched computer networks.
He was born in New Haven, CT, which makes me like him already.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
My REAL alma mater
After months of telling you about this, I'm finally ready to unveil the website for Stutts University, the wholly fictitious yet eerily familiar college which is the setting of Freshman.
Check it out, I think you'll like it. And if you do, spread the love...
Check it out, I think you'll like it. And if you do, spread the love...
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
I love postwar Italian cinema...
...so it made sense that I adored Martin Scorsese's A Trip to Italy, a multi-hour documentary celebrating the films of Rosselini, De Sica, Antonioni, Fellini, and the guy who did "Senso," whose name I can't remember.
Fellini is the BEST. When I grow up, I want to be played by Marcello Mastroianni.
Fellini is the BEST. When I grow up, I want to be played by Marcello Mastroianni.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
More red funkiness!
Unclear on why this is happening, but it won't be happening much longer.
In the meantime, read this article on the commodification of the Irish pub.
In the meantime, read this article on the commodification of the Irish pub.
Wednesday, March 8, 2006
Go see this movie!
I just saw Sophie Scholl: The Final Days. It's the story of a 21-year-old university student from Munich who, along with her brother and some friends, dared to criticize Hitler in the midst of World War II. Tremendously inspiring--makes you think about right and wrong, your own courage (or lack thereof), and the nature of true heroism.
This story should be taught in every American school. Ordinary students, with everything to live for, standing up to the most brutal killers simply because their conscience told them to. I am awed by it.
This story should be taught in every American school. Ordinary students, with everything to live for, standing up to the most brutal killers simply because their conscience told them to. I am awed by it.
Monday, March 6, 2006
Thursday, March 2, 2006
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